Charades

I always seem to put too much trust in people.  Trust in what should be innately good in them.  Having faith that they will do the right thing or make the right decision.  Giving them the benefit of the doubt.

And most of the time? It's thrown back in my face and I am made to look like a fool . . . which I guess I am for believing these things could be true.

The golden rule we are taught when we are young and is drilled into our heads as we mature is: "Treat others the way you would like to be treated." This phrase is starting to not make much sense to me considering I try my hardest to be respectful, accepting, and genuine to everyone I meet . . . and yet I am greeted with disdain, disrespect, and any other word with the prefix dis-.

I'm sure the first thought that comes to mind from those on the outside looking in is, "There has to be something wrong with this girl, but she is just too close-minded to see it." If this many people treat me this badly . . . there has to be something wrong with ME. Let's look at it this way: There are ten people. Nine of those people are friends and all dislike the tenth person. Logically? We think, "What is wrong with the tenth person? What is so bad about them that has ensured an outcast status?"

I have always been different. My entire life I have thought differently. Acted differently. I was just different. But I don't think I embraced my uniqueness until toward the middle of high school . . . but even then I just wanted to be accepted.  Finally, when I came to college I knew what I had to do to become happy with myself.  I had to, for the first time in my life, be myself.  And part of that involved standing up for myself, not letting people walk all over me like I had so many times before, and voicing my opinion even if no one agreed with it.  Essentially . . . I had to stop caring about what others thought of me and be myself.

But what happened? Well, here I am. Almost three years later . . . and I have been abused, ridiculed, bullied, and put down by all the closest people to me. My trust in them and faith in the innate goodness of people caused me to be on the crap end of several one-sided relationships. And I can now count on one hand the number of actual friends I have . . . and that is including my mom.

I know this is all in God's plan for me . . . but it would be nice to catch a break once in a while.

I just don't understand how people can think so highly of themselves when they treat people like they are nothing. Like if you don't dress exactly like they do. Talk exactly like they do. Think exactly the way they do. Or act exactly the way they do . . . you aren't worth their time. They'll be nice to your face if they are forced to be . . . but once you turn your back they will stab you in it with their words.

Well I can tell you one thing, I am genuinely happy with who I am and how I treat people. I have had a lot of time to think about it and I know that I am becoming the person God wants me to be. Some people lie to themselves that they like who they are and who they are becoming . . . but it is all superficial. They are happy with themselves when they have lots of friends or a boyfriend or accomplishments . . . but what happens when all those things are gone? What will they have? Will they like who they have become? Will they think back and smile when remembering how they treated people? Some may never reflect in that way because they are selfish and always will be.  They will stay in a high school state of mind and never leave.

But the day will come when we are all judged by a power much greater than anything on this earth and on that day I will be smiling more than I have in my entire life . . . while they are cowering in fear, afraid of what is to become of them.

I wish they could realize the wrongs they have committed, but it saddens me for their sake that they probably never will.  After all they have said and done to me, I feel bad for them. Their life is a charade . . . but what happens when the game is over? They will be lost.

So, is your life a charade? Or are you done playing games?