Perspective

As I sit here watching Friends and type this on my iPod touch I am getting another one of my overwhelming feelings to write. Is it possible to simultaneously have so much going on in your head and also have nothing going on? Or maybe it's that I have a lot going on in my head, but none if it really matters. It's like having a conversation with one of the most superficial people in the world: words are coming out, but they aren't really saying anything. I'm having all these thoughts, but I'm not really thinking anything.

All that is circling around those perfectly smooshy lobes is completely out of my control and by simply worrying about it or thinking about it . . . I'm only hurting myself.

It seems that every thought I have about returning to Wilmington in August is accompanied by a feeling of anxiety. Despite the fact that I have amazing friends and a dope apartment waiting for me there . . . I can't shake this feeling. I should be flailing my arms around in excitement at the thought of returning to my favorite place on the planet (so far) . . . And there are times when I do get excited to be back and to show off my new found confidence . . . but there is always that pit in my stomach that just doesn't seem to go away. I remember how I felt last summer . . . barely being able to contain myself at the thought of going back. I would say that I wish I could be that girl again . . . but that would be a lie. If I were to be that girl again, yes, I would be excited about going back, but I would also be without this past year of growing experiences. Another word for it? Naive.

When I think about it . . . I would take this past year of growth along with the anxiety any day. Why? Because the anxiety will go away. I will remember what made me so crazy about Wilmington. My life will just change again. Bad memories will fade. Good memories will resonate. And all will be as God has planned it.

I guess we just have to take the good with the bad.

Or maybe take the growing up with the bad.

Its all about perspective.